The Better Boundaries Blog
The Need to Be Right
How often do you find yourself stuck in a pointless debate, disagreeing with someone over something that doesn’t matter? Or maybe it does matter, and you just can’t make any headway. What do you do? Here are some tips to keep you centered in the heat of...
The Truth about Feeling Guilty
In the first two parts of this series, we explored some of the signs that you might be trying too hard to please people. Our final sign is probably the most obvious one: feeling guilty just for saying no. (By the way, if you missed the beginning of the...
But I’d Feel So Selfish!
How often do you agree to something because you’d feel selfish if you didn’t? Would you like to have more options? If so, this article is for you. It’s taken from my book, The Insider’s Guide to Better Boundaries, which is about the beliefs and emotional...
Why Can’t They Take NO for an Answer
Someone once found my website by asking Google the question, “Why can’t some people take no for an answer?” This got me thinking about the many misconceptions we have about setting boundaries, and I thought it might be nice to share some of them....
Buy Yourself Time
“Until you pause long enough to analyze a situation, you will continue to be a yes-person – annoyed with yourself and often annoyed with the person you couldn’t say no to.” – Susan Newman, Ph.D. This is so true. If you want to spend your time well, and if...
Making Excuses
In the first post of this series on people-pleasing, we looked at the downside of needing approval. We also explored the decision-making process. Now let’s look at another sign: making excuses. Often it’s a good idea to tell someone why you can’t do as...
How Boundaries Make Relationships Work
Relationships and Boundaries When we think of making a relationship work, we often think of compromise and sacrifice. And while we certainly need flexibility in our closest relationships, we also need to balance that flexibility with a strong sense of our...
How to Deal with People Pleasing
In the first three parts of this series, we explored some of the more common signs of the "disease to please". Now I’d like to discuss some of the top causes and how to deal with people pleasing. Signs of being a people-pleaser People-pleasers have at...
Too Busy?
Too busy? Where did the time go? It’s 4:00, and you’re only halfway through your to-do list. It would be so nice to spend the evening with a friend – or just stay home and rent a video. But there’s no time to relax; you’re too busy. How did that happen?...
Boundaries 101: The Power of Acceptance
For some people, setting boundaries means not accepting reality. Someone or something simply must change – or else. But the truth is that we don’t have the power to make others change. The only behavior that we come close to controlling is our own. That’s...
Ever Felt Manipulated?
Have you ever felt manipulated? I know I have. I used to wonder how manipulators got away with it. Now that I know the truth, I no longer feel manipulated. So what is the truth? How do those manipulative people get away with it? It’s really very simple....
Why Question Judging Others?
Have you ever wondered what’s going on when you’re judging others – or when they’re judging you? Most of us never ask this question, as judgement is part of our nature. Evaluating people and ideas is simply what the mind does – often unconsciously. So why...